You may have developed high levels of ‘dependent’ thinking and behaviour that could be acting as a handbrake on your success.
Hi, I am Karl Perry. I coach people to develop thinking habits that create success.
Some thinking habits act as a handbrake on success.
Let’s check that handbrake for you.
The more these statements describe you, the more dependent thinking you are using at the moment:
- Feel dependent on others for direction
- Believe that your effort doesn’t count for much
- Feel helpless and weak
- Easily threatened and intimidated
- Cannot say “no” to others
- Always do what is expected
- Feel that others are responsible for your happiness
If you think any of these statements describe you then your ‘Dependent’ thinking on the circumplex could be high.
‘Dependent’ thinking is a security based style and will act as a handbrake.
The good news is that you can change this!
With the right coaching and support you can take the handbrake off and speed up your success by using thinking styles that accelerate your performance.
If dependent thinking is a handbrake for you, here are a couple of suggestions to get you started. Just pick one for now and come back next week to try another:
- Learn something new. Deliberately acquiring a new skill will help you recognbise that your effort counts, and may reduce your feelings of helplessness.
- Take an assertiveness training course, or read a book on the subject. Learn to trust your own judgement, and demonstrate your belief in yourself by speaking up more often in groups.
- Realise that no one can make you happy or unhappy. Only your have the power to determine how you feel by controlling what you think.
- Remember that your sense of self-worth originates from you, and is not determined by others.
- Set a few small goals. Accomplishing them will help you believe in your ability to make positive changes in your life.
- Strive to make decisions independently. Weigh the pros and cons of each choice and decide the best one.
- Take the initiative and assume a leadreship role. When interacting with others, trya a more challenging, questioning approach. Instead of wating for someone to direct you, take action yourself. Take small steps toward developing leadership behaviour.
- Watch your speech patterns. Be especially aware of how often you use qualifiers (“It’s only my opnion but …”). Try to eliminate them, and be more positive and direct (“I think we should …”). Ask someone to act as your “coach,” and call your attention to times when your speech reflects dependency.
If it helps you to commit, let me know in the comments which one you are working on this week, and I will check back with you in a week.
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